toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i permit you to call me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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