i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
