So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We have started to decorate penises.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
