Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
