She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
