Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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