i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
