I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
