tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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