i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
