Everything about him screamed your future.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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