I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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