New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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