Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
