Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
