I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
