He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
soo... how was my night?
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