we need to drink 2009 down the drain
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
