I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
birth control should be required to get into college
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
