I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
