I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
