I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i dont even know how to be here
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
