you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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