Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
