Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
