I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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