you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
