we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
