NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
