well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
