I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
