i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
