I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
