You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
