An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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