I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Randomize
