So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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