The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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