I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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