U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
