it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
