discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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