Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
