my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
