I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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