bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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