The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
