i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
