Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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