So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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