god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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