my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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